The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
