And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
