His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
