Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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