I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
