omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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