I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
