FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
