Screwed.edu
You can't motorboat a personality
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
two words: eviction party
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
