Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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