Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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