do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
This show inspires me to have sex in space
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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