why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
