you have to choose: penises or morals?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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