JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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