Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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