Sry I called you an 8
So drunk its hurt
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
