Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
