I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
