Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
