i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
