I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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