Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
