Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
