She went from zero to smokin in five shots
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
