Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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