Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
