Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
