And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
