Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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