and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
