Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
