i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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