after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
