Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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