It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
