I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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