new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
