Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize