drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
