Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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