do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
This is the high leading the old right now
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
