Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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