I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
