I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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