I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm really busy with my period
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