Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize