He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize