Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
