I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
we have pet lesbian snakes
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
