i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
