in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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