He disabled his match.com account in front of me
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
someone owes me an orgasm
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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