Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize