You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
