ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
