she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
