I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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