Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
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