I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
