i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
