I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
So vagazzling was a success
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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