Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
