Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
