my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
so let's talk penis.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
