Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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