the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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