i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I need moral support for this bender
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
