Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
