HIV tests are more positive than that guy
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
